do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
