Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
