Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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