Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
