Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
