I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
