We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
