I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
