Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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