I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
