booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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