Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
it's great music for shaving your balls
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
