I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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