dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
