I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just invented taco cereal.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
