I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
