o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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