I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
