I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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