Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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