ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
