Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
