***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
