okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
