His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
