hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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