found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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