His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
