I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
