Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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