sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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