I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
