so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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