oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
