These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
