I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
