how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
