He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
