My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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