Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
