Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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