Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
