i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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