never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
