She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
pray to the hookup gods
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
