it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
