just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
