Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
