Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
