Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
