I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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