If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I died a long time ago.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
