I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
