I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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